So I’ve been putting off writing this article.
I've spent the last several months making MANY changes - updating, upgrading, moving, learning, researching and implementing. And while I’m very happy about it all, the process has also been taxing.
As I start writing, the questions in my head start too.
Do I really need to write an article? Should I skip it? Is anyone going to care?
And somehow, as I think about NOT writing, I realize I want to share exactly what I'm going through...because I know you go through this too.
Obligation is a tricky word. It implies that something MUST be done. It also implies that doing this thing will not be enjoyable in any way. To do it, we need to force ourselves.
Maybe or maybe not…but most of us get all worked up about things that feel forced.
Our culture also puts a lot of pressure on women when it comes to obligations.
Do your job, manage your team and be in charge of fun work events!
Make sure the kids have three healthy meals a day because that’s what good mom’s do!
Run your business and your home but be available to pitch in at every family/school/community function!
We can’t necessarily get rid of obligations, but here are some ways to manage them.
Figure out your why
Whether personal or professional, give yourself a moment to think about why you’re taking action or saying yes.
Will this help you reach a specific goal? Is it a requirement? Are your worried about disappointing others? Are you worried about your reputation?
Let yourself consider the consequences of doing - or not doing - to see what’s motivating you.
Ironically, once I gave myself permission not to write this article, the idea came, it was easy and I'm enjoying it. By taking a moment and making a clear decision, you move from forcing to choosing.
Just say no
This is a tough one for women, including myself at times. We can get pulled in so many directions that pleasing others can feel much easier than preserving ourselves.
Sometimes managing obligation is simply saying "no, thank you" - to requests, invitations and even activities that we WANT to be involved in - for the sake of staying focused on our goals and our well-being.
Learning to manage guilt isn’t easy…but it’s easier than the regret and frustration that comes with being there for everything and everyone but ourselves.
There will always be requests and opportunities - and we get to choose, each time, what’s best and what's not for us.
Contain your time
When you do say yes to things you don’t love, don’t let them be torture! Let go of the drama, figure out how to make it work and DO it.
Just be sure not to spend endless amounts of time - like making “an appearance” at an event you’re not thrilled about instead of staying all night long.
When my clients' share that they want something done but they’re avoiding it - and we’ve determined that it can’t be delegated - I make a deal with them.
Cut off all distractions, spend one hour (or one day or whatever timeframe works) and finish the task 100%. Then follow it up with a nice treat or a nice break. You may still hate doing it, but less time and something special afterwards will help.
Here’s to saying NO to obligations when you can and YES to making them short and sweet when you can't…I’m with you!!
Give the Gift of Coaching (for less)
Change someone’s work and life for the better with my CPC eGift Cards this holiday season. Whether it’s tools and advice to make a professional pivot, a tailored action plan for business or career development or support with managing a level of success that can lead to burnout, I’m here to help. Plus, I’m here to make it easier to gift someone (or gift yourself) with 20% savings using code CPCHOLIDAY20. Questions? Get in touch HERE.